Frustration and then.....

I have been weighing in every Monday to post my weight to my Weight Watchers online program. Of course, I have been weighing myself damn near every day just to make sure I am on track. I read that somewhere and thought it horribly obsessive, but here I am doing it!

I have been weighing in at the same weight for the last 3 weeks. It has been frustrating. I have been doing everything right - except when I was in St. Bernard Parish on my hurricane relief trip in which I ate everything I could see because I was hungry and didn't really like what they fed us. I haven't been exercising as often, but have been eating to compensate.

I did try on a pair of my smaller jeans and they fit! They were snug, yes, but I wore them an entire day without busting anything. It felt awesome. It also felt wonderful when one of my colleagues mentioned that she didn't think they were so snug. She could have been lying and I didn't care! I love her for the comment!

I weighed myself this morning expecting to be at the same point as Monday and - surprise - I have lost a couple pounds.

What I am most proud of is that, despite the fact that the scale hadn't budged in 3 weeks, I did not use that as an excuse to rush out and eat pizza, ice cream, chicken wings and all manner of other bad things because what's the difference. I said, well, at least you haven't gained. And you do feel better when you eat well.

And so it goes.

And I'm Back!

Today is a month mark. That means that in addition to weighing in, I also take measurements. I cannot even tell you how excited I am that things are going so well. Not only do my "big ass" jeans fit loosely (I should get a bet), but I feel so much better.

I lost another two pounds this week - that's 6 for this month - 15 total since starting Jan. 2.

In one month I lost:

• Almost 2 inches off my waist.
• 1.5 inches off my hips.
• An inch from my bust.
• Almost an inch off my thighs.
• A quarter inch off my biceps.

Total in two months:

• Almost 4 inches off my waist.
• 2 inches off my hips.
• 3 inches from my bust.
• Just over an inch off my thighs.
• A half inch off my biceps.

That's rather exciting.

More exciting is that I gathered with friends yesterday, several of whom are also trying to lose weight via Weight Watchers. I hope we can inspire each other. I found myself surrounded by this yummy food - most of which was "friendly" and I wasn't tempted beyond being full. Normally I gorge myself and then eat people's limbs when I'm finished with the dill dip. Not yesterday. I was full and I was fine. I love it!

I also can't wait to get home today to workout. Who says these things?

Disappointed

I weighed myself this week and was sorely disappointed - I didn't lose - I stayed the same. Granted, I did kinda cheat over the weekend. Just kinda. So I tried to talk myself out of the slump. "You know, you did cheat and didn't gain. That's good news."

It didn't do much to soothe me, however.

Then I didn't workout for two days because I was being a cry-baby.

So I said, get your lazy ass out of bed and get thee to the Richter Center.

I wanted to workout this morning as much as I wanted to give myself paper cuts all over my body and jump in a vat of vinegar, but I did it (the workout that is). I told myself I would run for at least 15 minutes and then decide if I wanted to bike or whatever.

I ran for 45 minutes and could have kept going. What a feeling! Now I should make a sign that reads "get your lazy ass out of bed and get to the gym because you will feel much better as a result."

Now I can justify eating Girl Scout Cookies. I hate those damn Girl Scouts and their freaking cookies. On the plus side, the Girl Scouts have a new cookie this year. Cafe Cookie. It's like a cinnamon sugar cookie and it is damn good! Enjoy!

Pants

You know you are successful when pants that used to fit but then didn't fit now fit again.

I have been wearing elastic waistband pants for months. I am now comfortably sitting here typing this in a pair of pants with an actual zipper and button.

And I can breath.

And I am not restricted in movement.

I love it!

Shovel This

Ah - I have to shovel my driveway this afternoon. I love it! Shovelling is pretty good exercise. I don't just shovel, rest, shovel, rest - I bust my ass to get the snow off the driveway and accompanying sidewalks as quickly as possible. It's like a run, but not.

I hope that by the time I get home, the snow isn't too heavy. Then it will weigh on my back. But then I always have yoga! Wonderful zen experience before I go to dinner for V-Day and deal with all that revelry.

So, I look forward to shovelling. Perhaps the weight loss is making me lose my mind. Who can say?

And yet, more!

Another 2 pounds. At this rate, I will be at my target weight by July 1. That's just in time to bust out my sassy bikini. Of course, I will still be white as a ghost because I don't like to tan and those spray on tans scare me. What is in those chemicals, exactly? No thanks.

I went cross country skiing the other day. It was free as part of Alden's Winterfest activities. What fun. Yes, I was killing myself, but I was able to do it. I was out in the woods and it started snowing. It was just perfect standing there, trying to breath, letting the snowflakes fall on my face.

It sounds more serene than it was. I was trying to catch my breath and cool down so I let the snow fall on my face. Wonderful! I think this Fri. I may try to hit an actual cross country skiing area with groomed trails. We will see!

Step N Pump

There was a class I used to take at the BAC when I was a member. It was called Step N Pump. It was a one hour class that incorported step aerobics with weights/strength training. I absolutely loved this class.

Since I have my own step and my own weights, I try this at home from time to time. I remember enough of the routine to make it worthwhile. I just turn on my digital cable dance music station and get my step groove on.

I got home from work last night and, as I expected, I wanted to work out as much as I wanted to hurl myself from a tall building screaming for Jesus, but I did it. And I felt like a million bucks afterward! Why is it that I can't remember that feeling all the time?

One of these days I am sure that I will crave exercise. I hope so! And I hope that day comes soon!

Not a habit

So the new trick seemed wonderful on Mon. morning. It's Wed. and Mon. is the only day I actually got my lazy ass up to get to campus to workout. I did shovel the driveway last night, though.

I just don't feel like getting up so early to workout. I used to do it every day and I used to feel so good. I just have to get that feeling back. But to do that requires that I get up!

Perhaps next week is the week I get up. We will see.

Suffice to say, I am doing well otherwise. Still eating well, planning meals, avoiding crap - and not missing it. Way to go!

New Trick

Woo Hoo - 2 more pounds! I am quite excited! Woo Hoo!

My new trick is to workout before I start working. If I leave it until the afternoon before I leave SBU or, worse, until I get home, I am too tired to do anything and find all kinds of excuses not to do anything. I am the queen of justification.

So I picked today - the day of a blizzard - to get up, put on my workout wear, drive to SBU with my bag packed with work clothes, and hit the Richter Center. Because of the snow I arrived later than I expected, but I arrived!

And I hit the indoor track. It was fabulous! I was able to look out at the snow gusting all around the building and here I was, safe, warm inside the center.

I am quite tired about an hour later, but I did it. And when I get home I don't have to worry about saving time to workout. I already did it. So instead I can save time to sit my lazy ass on my couch and pick my ass. Or watch reruns of the Golden Girls.

Feeling Great

I wondered how long it would be before I started to feel good. The reason I was so upset and interested in getting back into shape is that I gained more weight and weighed more than I ever had. I blamed my boyfriend for getting me fat, dumb and happy. I told him I wanted fit, dumb and happy.

I have been so good about portion sizes, working out, food choices. I feel wonderful!

The size 16 jeans I had to buy this season are now baggy. BAGGY! I don't regret the investment, though. I haven't busted out the size 14s yet. I want to wait a couple weeks. I should invest in a belt. I can get a little more mileage out of the 16s yet.

I find myself with more energy, a more positive attitude, and a general like for my body even though I have a long way to go!

I was looking at the Victoria's Secret catalog for inspiration. I have no interest whatsoever in looking like these unhealthy models (they can verbally abuse me here for insulting them). I want to buy a bikini! Or a sexy top to show up my sculpted arms. And a nice pair of something or other to highlight my legs.

I love that I am muscular. I love that I have large legs that carry me anywhere I choose to go. I love that my arms can lift my house. I love that I have a strong core - getting stronger by the day.

I feel great and have no interest in backing down.

I also find that I have no interest in my former cravings. Potato chips don't hold the same appeal. Cakes, cookies, etc. don't hold the same appeal. Now I want some fruit for dessert. Who knew?

Richter Center at SBU

I am a professor at St. Bonaventure University. They recently opened this state-of-the-art recreation facility on campus, thanks to the generosity of the Richter family. To say that I am impressed with this fitness center is an understatement. It is a wonderful facility.

And it's busy.

I remember being an undergrad. at SBU. We had a fitness center but it was off campus and not at all convenient. I would go once a year to make an effort and then stop. Of course, that was when fitness wasn't so interesting to college students.

I was pleasantly surprised to see a full Richter Center the other day. Students were everywhere on all kinds of equipment. And most of them didn't seem to care what they looked like. That is a huge test of a fitness center for me. Are people there to show off and look good, or to actually workout. And I think students actually wanted to workout.

I do get a bit discouraged because I didn't see a single faculty member or other SBU employees. I stood out like a sore thumb, in my mind. I imagined that students were wondering who I was, why was I at the fitness center because I am not a student and I am old (older than them)!

I am sure they could have cared less. I still enjoy it. And will return. When I feel motivated. I've already been twice which is better than my undergrad. streak.

There are numbers beyond weight

I have been frustrated recently because I have been doing all the right things - eating well, working out, relaxing. OK, maybe not relaxing. But I have been eating well and working out. So why, then, does my scale not move for a week? How is that possible?

Guess what - the scale isn't the only number to think about.

Since I started my weight loss journey (and to paraphrase Mark Twain who said quitting isn't difficult, I've done it many times - losing weight isn't difficult, I've done it many times) I have kept track of my measurements - bust, waist, hips, thigh, biceps. I track the measurements once each month. I have lost 9 pounds since starting Jan. 2. That's awesome! I have also lost a couple inches in most places. A couple inches off my waist and hips, one from my bust, half an inch from my thigh and biceps. That was wonderful news!

So now I can stop obsessing about the damn scale. It isn't the only measure. Thank God!

Obsessed with the Scale

I think one of my problems is that I am completely obsessed with my scale. I know that the key to sustained weight loss is to just lose 1-2 pounds per week. I don't know why I feel the need to get on the scale every morning to see what changes were wrought overnight. I am continually disappointed when I don't see major changes or when - egads - I see a gain!

I have now vowed to not get on the scale until my Mon. weigh-ins. That's it. No more checking mid-week, just to see. Once per week and that's it!

Weight Watchers

OK, I know it seems a cop out. I should be able to figure out how to lose weight and get in shape without resorting to a regimen. But guess what - I CAN'T! And I am okay admitting that.

This is week number 4 on the online version of Weight Watchers and I have lost 9 pounds. I am quite excited about that. What is unfortunate is that since I started dating Jamie, I gained 25 pounds. That's a full 10 pounds over my heaviest weight yet! I love him - in fact I tell him I'm fat, dumb and happy - soon to be fit, dumb and happy. I just want to fit into pants that don't have elastic waists. I want to button pants and be able to breath, sit, walk, etc. Soon. Very soon.

I also started my new job at St. Bonaventure University. I love that they have this awesome new fitness center - the Richter Center. In fact, I set off the emergency exit alarm yesterday. Hey - I have to make my presence known. This center offers everything you need to get and stay in shape - and I get to use it free! Now I have no excuse. I bring lunch to work with me, I have access to the best fitness center, I want to be fit.

Check back for more information on my progress. I will post pitfalls, tips, triumphs. All of it will be here. And - the original purpose for this blog was to document my marathon training. With any luck, I will be back in the saddle (so to speak) by summer and in training again!

Getting Back into it

This blog started to document my marathon training. Since I had to abandon that to get some freaking work done, I have since thought that I can use this blog to document my weight loss. FOOSA is my Fat Out Of Shape Ass. And I would like to lose it.

I was at a show this weekend when I realized that when I look down, I see my boobies and my belly. They are virtually even and I don't like it! In fact, it disturbs me. I would like to look down and see boobies and no belly.

Also, this weekend, I realized how tight my clothes are becoming. And now I sit here typing this with back pain. So I am once again on the roller coaster that is my wieght loss/fitness journey. perhaps it will take this time.

Marathon Postponed

For more information on what's happening in my life, check out my other blog - TippyKayak. Since I now have much too much on my plate, I am postponing my marathon training until at least next year. Thank you to everyone for your support. I certainly appreciate it.

I do want to keep this blog alive, so I thought I would document my weight loss instead. I am still trying to lose about 30 pounds so I can certainly let you know how that's going.

For now - gotta get to work on my dissertation.

6 Miles

Each week is now "personal record week". Since I am fairly new to running since I have never gotten very far with it, each time I run seems like I am setting personal records. I had never run more than a 5K before. When I ran 4 miles, it was a record. Last week when I went 5.3, it was a record.

Yesterday was another record. 6 miles.

I have to write about them the next day because that's when I truly feel it.

I had been with a friend of mine on Friday. She was planting a garden yesterday in memory of a good friend/family member. I told her I wouldn't be able to join her because I was running. She mentioned that is where her friend would rather be. Her friend was a runner. Loved it and was damn good at it. I remember several Corporate Challenges before she died. She would completely look the part in the running shorts (my thighs still rub together too much for me to wear running shorts so I wear spandex) and her running shirt with sports bra. She would return to the corporate tent afterward not even looking as though she broke a sweat. That is a complete change from what I experience.

At any rate, I told my friend that I would think of her friend while I was running.

And I did.

The first mile seemed much harder than previous miles. In fact I was worried that since it was so difficult, the last 5 would be impossible.

Mile 2 and 3, also difficult. We usually had a water break at mile 2 but yesterday they moved it to mile 3. I didn't know what to do! I thought, good lord, I need my water at mile 2. I thought I would break the 6 miles into three 2 mile pieces, with water after each 2 miles. But the coaches had a different idea and I have to follow along.

I think I thought of my friend's friend at about mile 2.7. There is a lovely little wooden bridge that crosses some creek or another. It is quite beautiful. I don't quite remember what I thought but I remember that it made me smile. I also wouldn't say it motivated me to continue, per se. But the fact that I smiled is enough.

When you feel as though you are killing yourself, if you can crack a smile, something is working in your favor. If you keep going, that's worth the effort.

Today I am limping around - more for sympathy than anything else (I am a Leo and fond of dramatics) - because my thighs are screaming for me never to run again. I will shut them up tomorrow when I run 2.5 miles with ease (it better be with ease after 6).

And I will do yoga later to make them feel a bit better.

After the water stop at mile 3, we turned around. The countdown is much easier for me. And I seem to get a second wind. It's as if the first half is a warm up and the second is just because I can. At mile 3.5 I felt pretty good and thought I could have kept going.

When I finished 6 miles, I thought, I think I could keep running if I had to. Thankfully I didn't have to.

Until next week. When it's 7. I better smile more than once. Thanks D.

My Personal Best

WOW! Whoever would have thought that I would be running 5 miles. And not just 5 miles, but 5.3 miles. In one day - all at one time.

This past week I skipped my Tuesday workout. I don't know why Tuesdays are so difficult for me. I work at the Downtown Country Market. I love it. But when I'm finished I don't want to run. And I usually plan things directly afterward which doesn't leave me much time to run.

I ended up just moving the workouts so Wed. I ran 3 miles, Thurs, 2, and Friday - 3 miles.

Friday is another story. I thought I would be clever and wear these shorts that would be looser on me. Turns out they rode up and I ended up chaffing because my thighs are not as small as they could be. Horribly uncomfortable. Didn't run 3 miles but ran 2.5 and walked .5. That's fine because Saturday....

Saturday was five miles. I was nervous because I had never run more than 3.5 miles in one setting. What if I couldn't? Then I remembered that I can do anything I set my mind to. The weather also cooperated. Wonderfully sunny, breezy, cool day. It could not have been more then 75 degrees which, given our recent heatwave, means we should have broken out the moon boots and parkas.

So I ran - consistently the entire way. Then as we were approaching the 2.5 mile mark, we couldn't find the marker! Those bastards colored the white marker black so we couldn't see it (I am sure that was not their motivation, but it felt like it at that point). By the time others realized it, they had run 2.7. I run slower so I only ran 2.65. So technically I ran about 5.3 miles or so.

And I felt good.

In fact, our team mentor was out taking pictures after the 2 mile mark and I smiled. I think I even giggled. I actually thought, hey, you're getting your picture taken, strike a pose, look like a runner, stand tall and sassy! Now, before training I would have looked like some kind of freak struggling to breath and stand upright gasping for breath with drool running down her chin - too tired to wipe it.

Then I got home and realized my legs were more like jello than anything and had to relax while my boyfriend changed the brakes in my vehicle. Not that I would be any help in that regard.

I am now looking forward to my runs. I have a day off tomorrow and plan to do yoga because that's an awesome low impact workout that will stretch my muscles. Muscles that are getting more supple and toned each day! And then I have to run 2 miles on Monday.

WHAT? Only two miles?

It is too damn hot to do this!

I am starting to second guess my decision because I now understand what it means to train during the summer. It is blessed miserable. It is too hot to run during the day without either getting sunburned or dying from dehydration. I am not particularly fond of either. One is much too painful, the other is just so final.

So I decided to have an early dinner and hit the road at about 9 p.m. after the sun had started to go down. This way it is cooler out and the sun isn't beating on me. Besides, I only have to run two miles. That should be a piece of cake.

And I was surprised that it was. I was getting annoyed that I was constantly wiping sweat off my face. I cannot stand to have sweat dripping off my face. I also hate when it gets in my eyes. Yuck.

But two miles. No problem. In fact, if I had to run longer today, I could have done it without an issue. I was surprised that I finished and could stop. In the past when I just ran for no apparent reason but to torture myself, I would run until I pretty much couldn't run anymore. Now I have a plan. I like having a plan.

Tomorrow I have to punch out 3 miles. I wonder if it will be cooler. I think thunderstorms are predicted. Not sure if it is safe to run in thunderstorms. My better judgement says - no. We will see.

If I do three as well as I did two today, the five I have to do on Saturday should be a piece of cake!

The best part of the run in heat like this? The cold shower afterward. Never has a cold shower felt so wonderful!

Happy trails!

First Long Run

I am thinking that at my first long run, I won't be in such poor shape. We only have to run 4 miles and I have run 3 already this week so what's another mile?

Turns out, that other mile is the difference between slight discomfort and extreme nausea.

We started our run at 8 a.m. thinking we would beat the heat. Not so, my friends. It was already sweltering when we arrived at the bike path prompting our coach to declare that we are to run at 7 a.m. for the rest of our summer long runs. EGAD! Thank god I don't have a Friday night social life anymore as I did in my youth.

Our coach tells us that we have to sign in and sign out each week to make sure we are all accounted for. Presumably, if I don't sign out, they will send a search party for me on the bike path. They will likely find me curled up all fetal in a ditch praying for an end to the suffering while I try to find my happy place with Sven in a loin cloth feeding me grapes and fanning me with a palm frond, but I digress. (sorry J)

He also tells us that we will likely find others who run at our pace and they will be our buddies, so to speak. I did find others who worked at my pace but it is a rather pathetic retelling.

I run slowly. Very slowly. I will finish, but it won't be breaking any records. There was a group of girls who I think were new to running - which I applaud. Well, they ran/walked the 4 miles and for the first 2 we would pass each other. When they were walking, I would run past, when they ran, they would run past me. It was sort of odd. The coach did say that I was running at a consistent pace which is better than an alternative (which I think would be standing still).

I did find a buddy who runs a bit faster than I. She is pretty cool and she keeps things in perspective. She was a bit upset that I described my time as pathetic. She said, it is what it is. You are running, that's better than nothing. Already I have someone who is motivating me. She's cool and she does well. With any luck, I will be able to train so that I can keep up with her. I can see myself being motivated by her during the marathon. Perhaps I can return the favor at some point.

That would be nice.