Impossible Goals

I had the worst day at work.  The damn semester hasn't even started yet and I feel overwhelmed.  So much to do!  I have to remind myself that it will get done.  I can certainly do it.

I had planned to do some sort of workout tonight, but my husband is priming the walls in two rooms so we have furniture everywhere.  I had no idea if I would have room to drag anything out.  When I walked in the door I said to myself, "hey, you can work out tomorrow and forget tonight."

Then I went upstairs to change out of my work clothes and stretched my hands over my head.  It never occurred to me that I couldn't touch the ceiling merely by stretching.  In our house in Alden, I would be able to put my hands flat on the ceiling if I reached overhead.  Not here in Franklinville.

That was good news.  This room was empty (we haven't redone it yet).  I could do yoga.  And holy hell, I needed it.

So I did.

It was the best I felt doing yoga in months.  Certainly the best yoga I've done in our new house.

I was also reminded of a saying I have on one of the pictures in my office at work and a saying I use on my blogs - "She likes to have goals that no one else can imagine, so they'll shut up about how they understand exactly what she's going through." Brian Andreas from StoryPeople

How could I forget that?  I do like to have goals no one else can imagine (or very few).  Where did that go?  Why did I abandon that for the ordinary and usual?  Hell no.  My goals right now seem ordinary, but ordinary will lead to extraordinary:

• Lose weight
• Gain fitness 
• Earn wellness
• Find peace

The extraordinary:

• Do another marathon
• Do a triathlon (dare I suggest an Ironman?)
• Write a book (or several)

And that's just what I'm thinking about today.  Wait until tomorrow!

30 becomes 45

My goal today was to bike in our front room for 30 minutes.  A few years ago my husband bought me one of those gizmos that you hook to your road bike to make it a stationary bike.  Best invention.  I had a hell of a day at work and I almost bagged my workout altogether - so many reasons to do so - it's cold outside (I wasn't biking outside), a storm is coming (literally and figuratively), I don't feel like it.

But I forced myself to do it.  I said, "Bike for 30 minutes.  You can do anything for 30 minutes."

I had my Ipod Shuffle with the best songs and I was home alone so I was belting those songs out.  Thank God we live in the middle of nowhere because no one needs to hear that sound being squealed aloud.

After several songs I looked at my watch and noticed that I had already biked 30 minutes.  I was feeling too good to stop so I biked for 15 more.

I had fallen off the wagon for several weeks but today proved that once you have a base, you can start again after a short break.  That's good to know.

Now I have to figure out what I'm going to do tomorrow!  Is it bad that I am hoping for a snow day?

What goes down must then go up

I know that's not quite how the saying goes, but this is the saying that will work for me today.

I fell in our driveway on Monday as I was trying to get into my car to go to the chiropractor's office.  I recognize that if one is to fall, while heading to the chiropractor is a pretty good way to do it.

I did it with great aplomb.  Picture this - 5'11" heavyset woman falling ass over teacups.  I landed on my ass, full coffee mug flying, purse landing somewhere.  My thoughts in order:

• That hot coffee feels strangely good as it soaks through my pants (it was flipping cold on Monday morning).  Kinda good?
• Did I hit my head?  No, that's good news.
• Does anything feel broken?  No, more good news.
• Can I sit up?  Yes, news getting better.
• Oh no, my coffee mug is broken (I pride myself on using a coffee mug made by a friend that is ceramic and, therefore, recyclable).  Good news turns to bad.
• Quick scan - did any of my neighbors see me fall? Not so it would appear - very good!
• Can I stand?  Yes, by pulling myself up using the rearview mirror on my car.  Thank God I didn't yank it off the car!

Lesson learned - look before you walk.  It was so clearly icy, but I was in a hurry and excited to get to my appointment, that I didn't pay attention.  In my defense, one of my assistants came over later in the day and she fell in the same spot even after I warned her.  I know I shouldn't be excited by that, but since she isn't hurt either, we're both good.

It's now Thursday.  I've woken up each day in pain.  My lower and right back are very sore.  Also, my arse feels a tad sore.  I think I may have bruised something.  It's clearly muscular/surface pain, not something worse.  We all know the difference, I think.

Going for a walk yesterday was awesome!  I worry about sitting on my arse, though.  I spent most of today working from home which means I am sitting in a chair.  I am very good about getting up periodically and walking about, but I am still primarily sedentary.  Those with back pain should not be idle.

So I did yoga.  I have been doing Ashtanga yoga for years.  I have been out of practice, but I know when I need to hold a pose a little longer given what my body and mind need.  Today I needed an allover stretch, and I got it!  I feel terrific!

I am a tad disappointed with myself because I was getting very good at Ashtanga yoga - getting into very difficult poses and the like.  I know that is not what it should be like, but that's what I thought.  I see it as a way to relax and repair as well as a way to challenge myself.  I need all of those things in my life.

You can't get to this:

From awelltraveledwoman.tumblr.com

If you don't start on your ass!  

Cheers!

Happy New Year!

I know that it is quite cliche to write a post on my training blog on New Year's Day.  Doesn't everyone think she is going to kick ass from here on out starting on this momentous day?  Sure she does!

I do!

I have been working with Amy since October and have adopted some very good habits.  I've been on the wagon and off.  Now I need to get serious.  Some of the things I know trip my up and cause me to falter:

• Stress - when I have too much going on in my life I stress eat.  I mean, I stress eat as if I am getting paid to stuff food in my mouth and my goal is a million dollars.
• Too many work dinners and functions - and none of them has healthy options, really.  I suppose I don't need to eat the appetizers and have a drink from the bar, but when in Rome....
• Negative thinking - well, I've eaten that bag of chips and not worked out today so I should throw the whole week away and start again next Monday.  And it's only Monday now.

I have many others but we don't need to dwell on them.  One thing I've learned (thank you, Amy), is that I need to have an answer to my negative talk.  Amy also suggested I name my negative self-talk so I did - Lance Armstrong.   Solutions to Lance's naysaying?

• Stress - don't eat.  Sit and meditate.  Think about all the good things that are happening and then think about how I might combat stress and prevent it from happening in the future.  Ask myself "Am I hungry or just stressed?"  I usually know the answer and it isn't bbq potato chips.
• Too many work dinners and functions - don't go to the bar and don't eat the appetizers.  Also, stay away from the dessert.  If it isn't really, really good, it isn't worth the calories.
• Negative thinking - I fell off the wagon.  So?  Get back on it right away!

It was also suggested that I name my positive thinking self-talk so I did - Betty White.  And she should kick Lance's ass every time!

Rather than recap the last few months (I was going to write in this blog about it, but that didn't happen as we can see (Lance), I am going to start fresh (Betty).

What did I do today?  It is a lovely day on the farm.  The snow is falling softly and it isn't too, too cold. My husband and I hitched up the dogs and headed up the hill.  Below are some photos from the adventure.

This is a view of our barn and backyard (to the left).  How do you not walk when this is what you see?  As a note, there were deer and fox tracks on the hill.

View of the barn from farther up the hill.

View from closer to the top of our property.  On a clearer day, you can see the valley in a better way.  I wouldn't trade the snowfall on this day for the clear view.  I'll get that for you later.

Wellness Coaching

I've hired a wellness coach.  Amy Moritz is a talented sports writer for The Buffalo News, a St. Bonaventure University School of Journalism and Mass Communication alumna, and wellness coach.  You may learn more about her by viewing her blog at Byline to the Finish Line.

I am tired of feeling tired, quite frankly.  I am tired of looking like a blob of flesh and hair becoming a bit too one with my easy chair.  It's time to get back into the game.

I often wonder why people fall so far off the wagon.  I know that I feel better when I work out and when I eat well.  Yes, chicken wings taste like a little nugget from heaven, but they don't make you feel good afterward.  So why do I eat them, among other things?  Instant gratification?  Stress eating (YES)?

It has been some time since I've posted to this blog and it's been that long since I've been in any kind of healthful routine.

I have charged Amy with kicking my ass.  I will also post regular updates to this blog.  If I am accountable, I have no choice but to succeed. Or I face ridicule, and I don't want that.

What we know today - Day One:

• I weigh 231 pounds.  That's right.  Granted, I am 5'11" so I can carry 231 pounds better than someone who is, say, 5'2", but that is no excuse.  I always said that when I looked down and saw my boobs and belly lined up, it was time to lose weight.  Now I have, as Pearl says, a "double."  That's a double roll of flab and they are now bigger than my boobs.  Yikes.  
• I have nowhere to go but down.  My goal is to lose 50 pounds and then check in to see where to go from there.  I have a feeling that 180 might be my weight.  Perhaps 170/175, but let's be reasonable.  I am muscular when you remove all the fat.
• I have a double chin and my arms flap when I wave.  It's just yucky.

What Amy will do:

• Check in with me regularly to gauge my progress.   
• Verbally beat me if I stray from my goals.
• Encourage me to carry on.
• Help me to set reasonable goals.

Why Amy:

• Amy is a talented woman.
• She has completed several ironman competitions (at least one and I believe more than one, but I could be mistaken).
• She also hosts women-only wellness events that I think are wonderful.
• I could have my husband, sister or other friends kick my ass, but it's not the same as someone outside the circle, so to speak.  I would be embarrassed if I didn't meet my goals working with Amy.  The same wouldn't be true of my husband, sister, other friends.

My first day I have scheduled a walk along the Allegheny River Trail.  It is autumn along the trail and it will be beautiful.  Water is also rejuvenating for me, so seeing the river as I walk will be refreshing.  

Cheers!

Why Did I Stop?

I was doing so well.  Now I can't get myself motivated to save my damn life.  And it might be as dire as that - to save my damn life.

It turns out I am not getting younger.  Life doesn't work that way no matter what you do. 

I am not getting healthier, although that is my own damn fault.

I am not fitting into my wonderful skinny clothes - my fault again.

We didn't even have much of a winter so I can't use the fact that it was snowing all the time as an excuse.  I have a home gym anyway, so what excuse would snow be?  Can I say that I am upset because I wanted to start cross country skiing this year but couldn't because the sport requires snow and we didn't have any?  NO - I have plenty of other things I can do.

So my new year's resolutions will start today - March 5.  It must be new year somewhere?

Yoga

I haven't done yoga in months. I bought a new yoga mat. It was woven by a group in India - fair trade, etc.. It is supposed to be guaranteed for 15 years. I don't know if I like it. It doesn't grip as well as the sticky mat does and it kinda hurts my hands in certain positions. In fact, my hands still had marks on them an hour later.

Maybe if I weighed less.....

Whenever I am away from yoga for any length of time, I miss it and also worry that I won't remember the poses or won't be able to do the poses. Turns out my body is pretty good.

And it turns out that my body missed yoga! I haven't felt this good after exercise in ages!

Our bodies seem to have this amazing memory.

Thank God.

And I felt completely serene and relaxed afterward. Meditative.

Or was that the glass of white wine I had afterward?

Running

It is a gorgeous day! I must run! I no longer have to run, I may run because I want to. And today I want to.

Well, I don't really want to. I am afraid to start running again because I haven't run much since the marathon. I am afraid I won't be able to run. How does one go from running 26.2 miles to not running at all? Chalk it up to running burnout. And, boy, did I have running burnout.

But I am armed with new running shoes. I left my marathon shoes with a girl in Uganda. She is tall and I thought she could use them.

What a difference new running shoes make.

I ran two miles and I ran it well. Could I have run longer? Probably, but let's not die on the first day.

I ran well: good posture, sassy outfit, new shoes, good breathing technique. I had it all.

Next time I will run 3 miles.

I do enjoy running.

Gotta Lose the Weight!

I ran the marathon and then didn't do a damn thing for months. Didn't stop eating. Didn't work out. Now I've gained all of the weight back that I lost. All 35 pounds. I know that yo-yoing isn't good, but I gained everything back. The good news is that I know how to lose it.

I hate that I have to lose it, but lose it I must.

I have borderline high cholesterol. I am only 41! I need to get in shape.

I have to think about why I want to lose weight and why I want to be fit:

• I feel so amazing when I eat well and exercise. I need to remember that feeling all the time.
• I feel like a horse's ass when I don't eat well and don't exercise. I need to remember that bloated, fat feeling.
• I can recover from illness much faster when I am in shape. I have to remember that the surgery I had could be necessary again. I want to recover quickly again.
• I am not getting younger and the better I take care of myself now, the longer I will live a high quality life....I hope. That's what they tell me.

There are probably other reasons, but I have listed the above for now. This blog will serve to document my journey again. AGAIN! Seriously, how many times am I going to document this journey? This better be it.

This blog coupled with tippykayak will document my weight loss/healthy lifestyle journey and will also document any recipes I try and other things I do to be healthy and fit. Stay tuned. I will also put flattering pictures up. So you will have to wait until I have some.....

I did it!

I ran the bitch!

Well, most of it.

Well, I finished as an ultramarathoner.

I am a slow runner and was allowed to start the race earlier than others with other snails like me. When asked when I expected to finish the marathon if I started at 7 a.m., I said "Tuesday."

I did find a new buddy. She runs as slowly as me. I have never run with anyone before and didn't think that I would like it. Turns out, I kinda do.

We started the race at 7 a.m. It was still dark outside. And it was chilly. I was wearing my West Side Rowing Club jacket because it is warm, lightweight, kinda waterproof, and super cool.

The route was supposed to be well-marked. Turns out it wasn't. We ran about a half mile out of the way and had to backtrack. In retrospect, we should have kept right on going, but we didn't. We turned around.

You might be thinking, when you've run 26.2 miles, what's another mile? You might need to be slapped upside the head.

It was at around mile five that we were passed by the "serious runners." These are the runners who do this for fun and do this more than once. They also wear the funny sock shoes with toes and compression socks.

And I have to tell you that I find compression socks sexy. Or is it that I find those wearing compression socks sexy? Who can say? But looking at the serious runners speed past us I am reminded that runners are hot. They have nice bodies...and I liked looking at the men and women. I wasn't going to discriminate. Equally hot in compression socks.

I don't think anyone is getting laid wearing those stupid sock sneakers, though.

Not sexy.

Also not sexy, me at about mile 26.2.

I don't know how I finished this blasted marathon, but I did. I cried when I finished because I had to walk some of it. I wanted to run all of it. Then I thought, um, you just went 26.2 and then some. I think if you walked some of it, that's okay.

I also found out that I like the chocolate goo that they were handing out at several mile markers. No idea who makes it or what's in it, but thank you for giving it to me. It helped me get through.

And so did my buddy.

BTW, we came in DFL. DFL.

But we came in.

I was also upset about finishing last. My partner asked me, "Do you know what the finisher's medal looks like for the first person to cross the finish line and for the last person to cross?"

I was dumbfounded. I thought it was a trick question. It was.

"They are exactly the same."

Right you are. They are exactly the same.

Afterward I showered. One of the best showers of my life. I told my husband to hurry his ass up because I was hungry. He tends to putter. Then I got cranky. Dude, I haven't eaten in 8 hours and I've run a marathon. If you don't feed me, I am going to eat people hanging out in the hallway.

I had to put my class online today. I couldn't walk up and down the stairs very well. Turns out a marathon really hurts.

Really hurts.

Almost There

The marathon is about a month away.

This is the first week we have had to run 5 miles each day, Monday through Thursday. It isn't too bad. And running 12 miles this weekend isn't so bad either. It is funny to me that 12 miles is no big deal. That after trying 14, 16, and 18, 12 is a breeze.

Relatively speaking.

12 miles is still a damn long way.

On a fundraising note, I have set my fundraiser for Thursday, September 16 from 5 to 8 p.m. at Weber's Grille, 13193 Broadway in Alden. Tarot card readings and Wild Mountain Organics and fun for all.

I think I may have left my feet on the sidewalk somewhere...

I had to start teaching today. I also had to spend a few days in Chicago for work.

Running in Chicago along the Lake has got to be one of the best things to do. I could see people taking advantage of the beaches. In fact, there must have been a triathlon club training because there were several folks in tri-suits swimming laps in designated areas. The fact that Chicago has designated areas to do this is pretty impressive to me. The lakeshore in wonderful. Hey, Buffalo, wanna get it together?

I was debating as to whether I would run on Saturday after class or wait until Sunday. I don't know what made me choose Saturday, but I am glad I did. I started at about 4:30 p.m. so that I could beat some of the heat, but less humidity. I ran my usual 12 mile loop which takes me to my mom's and brother's. My brother was entertaining. I swooped in (as much as a slow runner can swoop), grabbed my Gatorade, waved to the company, apologized for being rude by not hanging out, and left. I saw my husband and gave him my route and an approximate arrival time. If he didn't hear from me by 9 p.m., come find me. I may have died.

Getting to 12 miles was easy and I don't know why. I was quite surprised. I thought I might get to my house to get my third Gatorade and might say, this is enough. But I was determined to run 18 miles after my last two attempts didn't get me to my goal.

And run 18 miles I did. After I finished, I was too damn tired to jump up and down. But I did I very happy dance in my mind. In my mind, I am quite adept at dancing.

I ran 18 miles. It is the most I have ever run. It is one of my proudest moments.

Of course, I cannot move from the couch. I need to have a pair of Depends and my bed on the first floor. I iced my feet and my calves. Damn, this running kinda hurts.

But I succeeded. I am back in the game.

Twelve miles seems like a break....

Sixteen miles killed me last week. I was quite nervous approaching this week. I have trained so hard for so long it seemed cruel justice that I might have to bow out due to injury now.

I ran as posted this week thinking about all the reasons I may have had trouble. I also worked at the Erie County Fair for a friend of mine. I had to find time afterward to run. It was also hot and humid again so I had to work around that.

Turns out running at night is pretty cool. I would start running just before sunset and end up running in the dark. I did take precautions. I ran with light colored clothing and ran on the sidewalk. It was quite peaceful.

The Saturday that I was to run 12 miles was hot and humid. Enough, egads! I was able to run about 8 miles and I had to stop. I was frustrated, but thought, hell, I ran 8 miles. My foot didn't bother me. Perhaps I will finish while running, perhaps I will also have to walk. I am quite cranky that this heat and humidity will not let up. WTF?

That said, I do have to remember why I am running this marathon and training so diligently....folks struggling with blood cancers don't have the option to stop in the heat and humidity as I did. They may complain as I do, but to what end? It doesn't change the course of their treatment. In fact, studies show that a pessimistic outlook may work against you. Mind over matter.

I need to remember that...mind over matter.

Unless an injury steps in. Or unless your body is telling you it might die. Listen to your body. It usually knows what is up.

16 miles was the end of me

I am quite excited to run 16 miles. I think I can do it with no problem.

4, 5, 4, 5 Monday through Thursday. I said I wouldn't modify it, but I had to. I was working for a friend at the Erie County Fair on Thursday. It was so humid when I got out, I thought I might dies, so I said I would run 5 on Friday morning. And I did.

Bad, bad idea.

Because I run so much more slowly than others, I try to get to the Amherst Bike Path earlier so the coaches and trainers don't have to spend their Saturday morning waiting for my slow ass to finish running. I am a considerate runner, I guess.

Why I like the Amherst Bike Path at that hour:

• Turkeys feed in one of the fields. This particular Saturday there were turkeys right next to the deer.
• Deer are all over. Deer are grazing and it is peaceful and beautiful and serene.
• Blue herons abound in the creek.
• Slugs and other crawlies as well as goose poop are all over the path (I don't really like this part). It keeps the run interesting.

By about 7:30, the path is getting busier and the animals have gone. Slugs, crawlies and poop remain. All seem to get stomped and squished, not by me.

It started out as a cool morning. Then I noticed that I was sweating enough to fill a small rain barrel. WTF? It had gotten humid. I was not ready for humid! But what can you do?

I was doing well. Running slowly. Drinking Gatorade and water. Listening to my IPod which is the best thing in the world. Mile 12 my foot started to hurt. I knew exactly what it was, thank God. That damn extra bone. I had to walk mile 13 to the coaches and hitch a ride home the other three miles. I was disappointed but knew if I continued, I would risk a worse injury and might jeopardize my marathon. I am not willing to do that.

I told my sister I was upset with myself for only running 12 and walking one. I told her I felt like a failure. She told me I was a moron. That made me feel better, oddly enough.

I limped for the rest of the day and iced the hell out of the foot. Sunday came and I am typing this and able to walk. I am hoping that I can run tomorrow before working at the fair.

My husband reminded me that I ran on Friday instead of Thursday. That might have done it. No more running the day before long runs. I think that did it.

I will do yoga this afternoon. That should help loosen my body quite a bit. It should also help me feel less like a failure and more like a moron.

That's as it should be.

Only 12 miles this week for our long run...

I remember being told last year that when we get to this point in our training, the 12 mile long weekend run will be a blessing. I thought they were full of crap until this week. The idea that I just have to run 12 miles is a blessing. And my week runs smoothly (pun intended) as a result. 4, 5, 4, 5 is the Monday through Thursday run and I modify it.

I ran 14 miles on Monday, so I take Tuesday off. I run 4 miles on Wednesday and 5 on Thursday. Then I run 3 on Friday just to stick with it, worried that it might screw up the long run on Saturday.

The humidity is a bitch and I am about ready to kill small children because I am so cranky because of it, but I am able to figure out how to run.

And I run 12 on Saturday. I am tired, I think, because I didn't run each day as I should have. I am determined not to modify my run next week.

I do notice on Sunday that my right foot is bothering me. I have an extra bone in my foot that acts up if it is overused. I would say that running like this is overusing it. I am quite surprised that it hasn't acted up sooner, but I am thankful it hasn't. I better shut up before I make it worse. I ice it and pamper myself. I've earned it.

When am I going to squeeze this running thing into my schedule?

This week is incredibly hectic. I have a show this weekend in Brockport. It is the first time the Brockport Arts Festival is being held in the parking lot of the college campus. I am not going to be able to run 14 miles on Saturday, as usual, because I will be trying to sell my fabulous products (wildmountainorganics). I then think that I will have to run on Sunday after a day of selling products in the pounding heat. It is not a pleasing thought.

I run my usual run for the week - 4, 5, 4, 5 Monday through Thursday. I am getting used to this, I think. I then decide that I should run the 14 miles on Monday morning rather than try to kill myself on Sunday night.

As soon as I decide this, the tension leaves. I no longer feel this ridiculous pressure to run over the weekend.

And Monday looks as though it will be fairly nice with much less humidity. Woo hoo!

But that also means that I won't have a run scheduled from Friday through the weekend. Well, I can't take three days off. It might ruin everything I have worked toward. So I decide to try to run after the show on Saturday.

Of course, after the hectic show, the last thing I want to do is run. In fact, I think I would prefer root canal surgery.

Then I run. And I run quite rapidly - well, rapidly for me. I am on fire and feeling wonderful. Perhaps there is something to running when one is exhausted. I should consider this.

I return home and feel rejuvenated. I finally have the thought that I might be able to run 14 miles. This is a daunting figure since I've run 12 and that's been my personal best. Fourteen would take me over the top and make me a runner. Of course, 12 should do that, but I am a freaking overachiever. Good news.

I have a route mapped that will take me past my mother's house. This is good since I can drop some Gatorade at her house and pick it up on my way. I figure it will take me two Gatorade's to make this trip. I will swap my empty bottle for the full bottle and be on my way.

Monday is gorgeous! The sun is out, but it's cool, and not nearly so humid. I am off at 6:30 a.m. to beat any nasty heat! And I am plodding along doing quite well. There is one road on the route that is full of uphills that makes me nervous but I do it without a problem. In fact, I wake my mother up (8:30, mom? I should say it's time to get your ass out of bed.). She asks me to sit and rest for a minute. I tell her if I do that she will have to drive me home because I won't be going anywhere. She can't believe that I have run from my house to hers. Quite frankly, neither can I.

I take off with my new Gatorade and head the 5.5 miles home from her house. It is primarily downhill so I am excited about this.

I get to the top of this small hill that always kicks my ass at the end of a long, long bike ride and that's when it hits me. Shit, you are tired and might die. But with about two miles to go, I am sure not stopping.

The signal at Three Rod Road and Broadway changes several times before I get to it. If there are no cars on Three Rod, the signal may take a while to change. It may also take me a minute to get across Broadway. I am hoping for a long signal. And then a car drives up. I wanted to beat the trunk of this car! Can't you see that you are my reprieve! I can't stop and take a break on my own, but a forced break? That's okay! Bastard!

Broadway is tough. I get to 14 miles and stop. I can go no further, but I just ran 14 miles. I think I posted it on Facebook after I came in and drank a gallon of water and bathed. What an accomplishment. I think I might actually be able to run this bitch of a marathon!

Fourteen miles is longer than halfway. I am more than halfway there. I can't believe I can do this! I am pretty proud of me!

For the love of all things holy....if this heat doesn't break...

I spoke with a good friend of mine who has run a marathon before. I joked with her that the next time (if there is a next time) I lose my mind and decide this is a good idea, I will train in the winter for a spring marathon.

She reminded me that she did just that. She trained all winter for the Disney Marathon, which takes place in January. She said that day in Disney was so hot she ended up walking part of that marathon.

I don't think she has any idea what a relief it was to hear her say that. This friend of mine is a true athlete. I look to her as an athletic role model, of sorts. If she had to walk part of the marathon, then it's okay to do that! I no longer feel this insane pressure!

The week is good and hot, but I manage to run the prescribed mileage for the week. I don't think I've taken a hot shower in weeks because it's too damn hot for hot water and cold just feels so good when you have sweated your nipples off of your breasts.

I even planned to start my Saturday run at 6:30 to beat more of the heat and not hold everyone up. Only ten miles. No problem, right?

Sweet Jesus and all his disciples.

I can honestly say I have never sweated through my clothes. Ever. I mean, all the way through. My shorts, my underwear, sports bra, t-shirt. In fact, I was able to wring the sweat out of my t-shirt. It was such an uncomfortable run, I don't even know what else to say.

I knew I could run the ten miles, but at one point I realized that my run is as fast as my walk and what am I doing killing myself? I joked with our walkers that I was keeping pace with them. On any other day, that would be sad. One of them mentioned that today shouldn't be about time, but about getting through the distance. Amen.

So at about mile 8, I walked. What was the difference? In fact, I think when I started to walk, I was able to pick up my pace a bit.

And I have a bone to pick with those folks who don't sweat. What the hell is wrong with you!? How is this even possible? How is it that I look as though I've been in a rainstorm and you are ready for a nice breakfast and a spot of tea? Tell me! I dislike all of you non-sweaters!

Now that I've calmed just a bit, I am ready to put this long run behind me and move to next week. Hey, that's what you have to do. Keep moving along. I've made the commitment and I intend to finish.

Twelve Miles...Can it be done?

After my ten mile debacle, I was understandably nervous. The heat broke a bit but it is still hotter than hell and more humid than anything. I sweat sitting and dread running because of the heat and humidity.

But once I am armed with my Gatorade and towel and get moving, I find my groove and love it.

I have also discovered my new favorite five mile route. There are a few rolling hills in the first 2.5 miles, which may as well be Mt. Everest to me, but then it flattens out on this quiet, quiet street. I saw deer crossing the road! I saw a baby skunk that I managed to avoid. That would certainly have sucked if I got sprayed by a damn skunk in the heat and humidity while I was running.

Saturday arrived and I was ready. It was already humid in the morning. I wasn't sure if I would get through 12, but I was certainly ready to try.

....

I have resigned myself to the fact that if I have to walk some of this marathon because I couldn't run in the heat, so be it. I was exhausted by the end. The heat and sun were killing me. I was going to run out to five and back and then out to one and back since the route from zero to one is shaded and breezy. I got as far as seven miles and talked to the coaches. Ron ran with me - or rather walked with me. It turns out that when the weather is like this, my running is the equivalent of other people's walking. And in this weather, I don't care. It bothered me last year and it bothered me in Africa. It no longer bothers me. I know that when the humidity is lower, I can actually run. I know that my body is able. That is good. But I cannot fight genetics. Nor will I even try.

The coach asked if I could run/walk the last five miles. I said I thought I could. I gave myself permission to walk for .2 miles and then run the other .8 of the mile. I did that for three more miles and called it a day because I thought I might die.

So I ran, sort of, ten miles. And I am happy with that. I will keep doing this and keep trudging along. Cancer doesn't take a break, nor will I!

WTF, with this humidity and heat?!

We were warned by the meteorologists that this week would be incredibly hot and humid. They weren't kidding! We had days when it reached in excess of 90 degrees with a heat index that made it feel over 100.

And I had to run.

Perhaps next time I should train in winter.

This week I have to figure out how to run 3, 5, 3, 3 miles from Monday through Thursday so that I can run ten miles this weekend.

Um, right.

Actually, the runs during the week weren't so bad. I discovered that if I run in the evening, it is cooler and I am able to do it. I was armed with my Gatorade and my towel. I tucked my towel into my shorts. I am sure I looked like an ass, but I didn't care. I had some running to do.

But my company, Wild Mountain Organics, was participating in a show this weekend, so my long run would have to be on Saturday. I ran three days and took Thursday off. Then I tried to run on Friday...in the morning.

STUPID!

My goal was to run out five miles and return. I got to four and thought I better turn around. I could easily add two miles at the end once I recharged at home with more Gatorade.

I turned around and ran another mile. Then I had to stop. My body was overheating! I was rather frightened, actually. I had to walk three more miles back and said, screw the other two.

I was disappointed that I only ran five miles, walked three and abandoned the last two, but it was better than nothing. Or was it? We shall see.

I am very nervous about trying to run 12 next weekend. Egads!

This heat was oppressive! I am lucky I managed to run at all.

And it is only July. What does August bring?

Ooops, Monday...

My friend was in town this week. We went to Toronto on Monday and I missed my three mile run. I was going to add a mile to each of the next days, but decided against it. I don't want to get hurt. I should be okay.

Training went well this week. I love this! I ache and am tired when I am finished, but I am injury free (knock on wood) and enjoy getting out, listening to music and running.

Now I am trying to pay attention to my diet as well. I notice that when I eat like crap, I feel like crap, and my run isn't as good. Summer is the perfect time to concentrate on eating well with all the fresh fruit and vegetables available. And our garden is looking good. We have lettuce and radishes. Yummy!

Even without my three mile Monday run, I am able to muscle through the Saturday eight mile run. I take my bottle of Gatorade with me. I like to sip as I run. The trainer comments that I don't need to bring my own drink because they provide it, but I need it before and after the three mile mark. I need to hydrate and replenish!

Since we were to run eight miles, our run consisted of an out and back to the four mile mark. See how clever we are to figure that out? At mile three, we have beverages and encouragement. And when I had three miles left, I said, hey, only three miles to go.

And I meant it. Only three miles to go and I felt good. Ron, a former Team In Training member and current mentor, was on the run with us. He was encouraging. I told him to try yoga because it helps and he kept encouraging me telling me that no matter how fast I was running, I was still out there making a difference. Sometimes that's all you need.

And Shiela is one of our more seasoned runners. I think she is in her 70's and ran her first marathon when she was in her 60's. She is often on the trail with us. She inspires me. If she can do it, so can I.

I told Ron that my mantra becomes, you can do anything for a mile. He liked that I was able to break it up into smaller increments. He thought that would help.

So far so good.

And I've run eight miles! Woo hoo!