Hit the road

Hit the road is what I almost did.

Four miles was my run today and it took me forever to get through it. When I finished, I wanted to lay down on the pavement and hug it. But I am not quite sure how to hug a flat surface. And it has been raining so there are worms and slugs everywhere. I don't want to hug them.

I started out rather sluggish. I also have to admit that I was reluctant to start. I kept putting it off because four miles seemed so daunting given that this is the longest I have run during the week on my own. I ran five miles last week with a group and with encouragement. I am not the best motivator, it turns out. Sure, when I have one mile left, I say to myself, 'you can do anything for a mile.'

Whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. What would I be doing for a mile? Shopping? Lunging? Shouting? What does one do for a mile other than run or cycle or swim. Okay, I guess there are many things I could do for a mile. So I guess my mantra works.

I will have to expand it to, 'you can do anything for 2 miles, 3 miles, 4 miles, 26.2 miles.'

At least I managed to finish my run before it started raining again. And I am running in the morning before it gets too damn hot. I still sweat as if it's my job. And if it were my job, I would be getting kudos and raises all the time because I am a champ!

I recall that I used to work out in the morning. I would be up at 5:30 to row at the West Side Rowing Club or spinning at the Buffalo Athletic Club. And I loved it! Rowing in the morning when everyone is sleeping is the most sublime experience. And spinning when you aren't even sure you are awake has its benefits. If you do things before you are able to recognize the insanity in it, good things happen.

Like this marathon. I am starting to wonder if I really have lost my mind.....But I signed up before I starting thinking that way. And once I make a commitment, I tend to stick to it.

But I will say this - my thighs look good!

Monday is back

This is week three of training. Week three.

I cannot believe I have made it this far and haven't had any issues. I am not sure why I expected to have issues, but I did. Knock on wood that nothing happens.

Two miles today. And two miles came and went without much incident. I am getting better at this! I feel better, I feel as though I look like a runner and I feel as though I am making progress.

In fact, when I got home, I was quite motivated to get some work done. I have been waiting for that kind of motivation for some time.

So I better get something done before the feeling passes and I want to sit on my lazy ass again.

Ah, summer!

Ah, Sunday

Another rest day.

But I want to do yoga.

So I do.

And I drink wine.

It was a good day.

5 miles

Today is a long run. We run with the group on the Amherst Bike Trail. I have mentioned that I like this trail. It is well marked and relatively flat. There are also all kinds of people on it all the time. I feel safe. Even with all the people, you still find wildlife on the sidelines. Today I saw assorted birds and a woodchuck. It was like running in my backyard. But not.

I started running with one of the walkers. She was running to start and I realized that we run at about the same pace. That made me feel good. A fellow runner. She had to stop to walk, though, so that made me feel even better because it made me feel like a runner.

Ellen, one of our trainer's, ran with me for some time. We talked and realized what a small world it was. We had many acquaintances in common, and it was nice to hear how people were doing. Turns out may of my old colleagues at the Catholic Health System are related or friends of hers in some way. I have been out of touch with many of them, so hearing about them was cool.

I also realized that I don't run and talk very well. I never do it. I run alone. Who the hell am I going to talk to? I don't even sing along to my IPod when I run. That takes energy away from the task at hand. I need focus and discipline to run as slowly as I do. I can't have a distraction like talking.

But it was nice. Before I knew it, I had run a mile. And I think I did it faster than normal. Then I ran two. Then Ellen had to hang behind to make sure others were on the right track and were okay. I was faced with solitude for about a mile. It was rather nice. The day was perfect. The sun was out but it was still too early to be damn hot. The trail ran along Ellicott Creek and I felt quite good running alongside the Creek.

This Saturday was also the day for the Ride for Roswell. It is one of the big fundraisers for Roswell Park Cancer Institute, a premier cancer center right in Buffalo. I did the Ride for Roswell in 2004 fresh off my century ride. Today, I was running next to several riders.

I had missed the elite riders who had set off for the longer mileage ride. Instead, I got families and friends on ten-speeds or cruisers or mountain bikes or bikes with banana seats (still super cool). Many were wearing t-shirts with pictures on them or with names on them. There was a team with yellow t-shirts emblazoned with the face of a young woman. My guess is that she didn't survive her battle with cancer and this group of folks was riding in her honor. See how quick I am to determine that? Do I know that for sure? Of course not, but it doesn't take a genius to reach that conclusion.

I had passed the group as I made my way from mile 2 to 2.5. It wasn't until I was on my way back to mile 2 and back to the start that I passed the group again and started to tear up.

I started to think about the woman whose face was printed on the yellow t-shirts. What was she like? How old was she? What cancer got her in the end? Why are her friends smiling? How are they not crying? I don't know her and I want to cry and hug each one of them.

I started thinking about my own father and the cancer that got him and the fact that he was 42 when he died and I will be 40 in another month or so. Then I realized that I have been alive longer without him in my life than I have been with him in it.

What does that mean? That means that I need to have either a good cry about this or I need to suck it up and finish running the 5 miles that I need to run today.

And I smiled.

And I thought about the folks riding for the yellow woman (it's what I call her now). And I knew why they smiled. They can. And I can. And I can keep running.

I caught up with Ellen with about 1.5 miles to go. I was pumped from the energy of the bike riders. I had this new-found optimism.

Then we came to a mountain in the road.

It was an incline, really, but when you've run nearly 4 miles and you don't really do this, that small incline may as well be Mt. Everest without the annoying oxygen deprivation.

I thought I was still running and Ellen was running beside me talking to me.

Then she stopped to a walk.

But I didn't.

I was still running.

I looked over at her and wanted to scream, "For the love of all things Holy, Ellen, do you want to pretend I am running? Make an effort to run with me even though I have slowed to the pace of a drunk snail? Can you not take what's left of my self esteem and pile it under the rock you just walked past but that I huffed it by?"

She either realized I was running or realized, shit, I've just killed all optimism in this poor woman, and she started to run again.

Then she told me she was hanging back to wait for the others. To make sure they were okay.

I couldn't shake the walking. Every person I saw on the path in front of me was a menace. I had to get by all of the walkers.

There was an elderly gentleman in front of me. He had to be in his seventies. I kept pace with him for a bit until I realized I was running and he was not. So I picked up my pace and passed him. Woo hoo! A small victory!

Then there was another group of old folks, three in total, I think. They too had to fall to my running prowess. I passed them also. Yes, another victory!

Then I was pooped. That drained me. But I couldn't slow down. I cannot even imagine the personal embarrassment if I was passed by the same seniors I had just ably run by! Arrrggghhh!

After I finished RUNNING, I stretched and talked to some other folks who had hung back after their runs. I like the group dynamic of the Saturday long runs. I think I am even enjoying the talking!

It seems evident that the Amherst Bike Path is where all sorts of TNT alumni go to run on weekends. We met Sheila, a woman who had run eight marathons and a slew of half marathons. Her advice to us was that we follow the schedule. We should do exactly as it says. If it says run two miles, run two miles. Even if you feel better and feel as though you could run more, just run what is on the schedule.

You don't have to tell me twice, Sheila.

Then she told us that she started running when she was 66 and now she's 77. Those are not typos. 66. I hope I am still running when I am 66. Hell, I hope I am still alive when I am 66. But 77? Jesus, I love this woman! What an inspiration. And she is a cancer survivor. I am not sure which cancer, but come on! If that doesn't inspire you, I don't know what will.

So I had a great day. I was inspired by the riders riding for Roswell and I was inspired by Sheila. I was also inspired by Ellen. Hell, if she hasn't started walking, I might not have passed the senior citizens!

Rest Day

Last week's Friday rest day, I think I did yoga. Today I wanted to do yoga and then I thought, why don't you rest? Why don't you sit on your happy ass and do nothing.

So I did.

And I didn't feel guilty.

And I enjoyed it.

And every time I type the word marathon, I first type marathong and have to edit it.

Why? What do you suppose that means?

I also got a massage today. My therapist told me that I wasn't my normal bundle of tight muscles and whatever I am doing I should keep doing it.

Perhaps this running thing is good for me after all.

On a fundraising note, I spoke with Sharon, the woman who owns our favorite diner - Weber's Grill - across the street from our house. She offered to open the restaurant Wednesday, August 5 for a fundraiser for me. I am going to read tarot cards and sell Wild Mountain Organics and she is going to serve a limited menu. We are both thrilled by this and hope that we can repeat it again in August and September, if things go well. I am going to develop some marketing pieces for her to display in the restaurant. I am also going to talk to the local papers to put a piece in. I think this is cool and different. And I'm excited! Tarot cards I do well.

Why is this painful?!

Three miles shouldn't be bad. I keep saying this over and over. Two miles, three miles, shouldn't be bad.

Then I have to remind myself that while I have run in the past and have run two and three miles, I have never run four days in a row. I like to mix up my workout. Run one day, bike the next, then do yoga, then swim or something. I never run two days in a row.

So why are two and three mile runs killing me? Because I never do them like this. Eventually it will get easier. Hell, it has to or I am in for a whole world of hurt.

Two more miles

I went to yoga last night. Even though I ran three miles yesterday, I needed yoga. I like the energy in the room when the group is doing yoga together. I do enjoy doing yoga in my living room, but it isn't the same.

So that's two workouts in one day. That's a lot.

When I woke up this morning to run two miles - only two miles - I realized that I wanted to run as much as I wanted to shoot myself with a staple gun. But I ran. I am afraid of not sticking to the schedule. I want to make sure I can run this marathon ad sticking to the schedule will ensure I can. Or at least ensure I should. Skipping a workout cannot happen - unless I am injured or dying. Which won't happen because I am following the tried and true schedule. I am a mimic.

But once I got started, two miles didn't seem so bad. Granted, it took me forever, but I did it. I didn't shave any time today. In fact, I don't think I'm as fast as I originally thought. I measured my routes last night on the way to yoga and realized that I was off my a couple of feet. Hey - that couple of feet might not matter now, but it might in the future.

So I stand corrected.

And I run more slowly than I first thought.

Egads.

A Wall Already?

Today was a three mile run. This should be pretty straightforward now. I shoudn't be killing myself for three miles.

Well, I don't know what happened. I ran the first mile and was feeling damn good! In fact, I shaved another five seconds off my mile time (shut up - I still run like the proverbial tortoise).

Then I hit a wall. How could that be? How could I be doing so well and then shit the bed?

I ate breakfast this morning, thinking that would help. Perhaps I should stick with my peach or other piece of fruit and coffee instead of an English muffin with peanut butter. I thought it would help.

I also ran about an hour later than I usually do.

And it is getting warmer outside.

All of these things have conspired against me! Bastards all of you!

That's okay. When I finished - with a horrible time - I felt pretty good. I was tired and hot and sweaty, but I felt pretty good.

Good enough to go to yoga tonight.

And good enough to continue fundraising.

A giant thank to you for supporting me to one of St. Bonaventure's trustees and a wonderful and inspiring woman - Laurie Branch. I need the confidence you willingly give!

I am hitting my stride

Today is only two miles and I expect to polish it off without much problem. In fact, on the shorter runs I hope to shave some time off of my mile. I am not telling you my time on purpose. You will laugh. It is slow. SLOW.

I am fond of running in the morning. I have no excuses. Later in the day I could be tired, the weather could change, I could have a wonderful engagement to attend to. But in the morning, I have nothing but the paper and my coffee. And they can wait.

If I can pick up my pace, they won't have to wait as long.

Two miles felt good today. And I did shave time. I shaved about 15 seconds off the two miles. That doesn't sound like much, but it is a small victory for me and I make it a point to cherish all victories, however small.

Now I am motivated to get some work done today. I plan to set up a Facebook site or invitation or whatever it's called so that I can rally the troops on my Facebook page to support me. I know finances are tough, but I certainly do want to meet my fundraising goal.

I already have two people requesting tarot card parties. And my favorite little diner -Weber's Grill - has offered to put on a tarot party for me after hours. It is very exciting. So if I have a Facebook page, I can send notices to folks.

Thank you for your encouragement and support!

My first long run!

I am running with the Team in Training group today. I am excited.

Until I wake up at 6 a.m. and hear rain beating against the window. It is pouring like a bitch outside. I lay in bed wondering if I should get up. Our run isn't until 7:30 so I do have some time, but it is raining like a bitch. I do not mind running in the rain, but not a downpour. I sweat like a huge sweaty person anyway, so I end up wet when I finish, but I would like to not be wet when I start.

I get up and hope for the best. By about 6:45, the rain had stopped. I am elated! I can run four miles without getting soaked to the skin!

I take a peach and my coffee with me as I drive to meet the group at the Amherst Bike Path. I learned from my three mile run the other day that I need some food. And coffee is a must. The bike path is a wonderful path to run or exercise. It is well marked and maintained. And since they caught the bike path rapist/killer, it is also relatively safe. But I am with the Team in Training group. What could happen?

Everyone seems nervous when I get there. I have the benefit of having started marathon training with Team in Training a few years ago. I didn't finish, but I am no longer nervous. I used to think I was horrible because I don't run fast. In fact, some walkers might pass me. Now I know that each person is different. My strength is that I am steady. I start running slowly and that's how I finish. I am nothing if not consistent.

Lat night I made sure to download motivational music to my IPod shuffle. I wanted to make sure that nothing would prevent me from finishing the four mile run. I remember the last time I did this, I had to walk part of the four mile run. I was determined not to do that today!

And I didn't. I was able to make it through the entire four miles without issue. And no walkers passed me! Of course, I am the slowest of the runners. In fact, one overachieving runner was able to run six miles in the time it took me to run four, but that's okay. We are not the same. And I ran four miles.

I also realize that I like running alone. Other folks like to run and talk. I do not. I like to be lost in my music enjoying the world around me. For instance, while running I saw two deer grazing in the distance near the tree line. It was beautiful and I was able to enjoy it by myself without having commentary from anyone. My own mental commentary was plenty.

Of course, it would be nice if I could run as fast as some others, but it is what it is.

And I finished.

Three Miles

After running two miles yesterday, I thought three today would be okay. I regularly run three miles, when I run, which is not regularly, come to think about it.

I get an early start because it is supposed to rain all day and while I don't mind running in the rain, I would prefer not to run in the rain. I also have an appointment with my hair stylist at 9 a.m. Once I get my hair cut, colored and styled, I won't want to sweat, so I have to run before my appointment.

6:55 a.m. is my start. I am reminded immediately that I am insane. This is God-awful early to be doing anything, let alone running three miles. It is not too early to sip coffee and read the paper. But that won' t help my marathon training.

My usual three mile route takes me up my tree-lined street - very picturesque - and around the corner to the railroad tracks and back. It is tough. Then I remember that I should eat something before I run. Coffee alone won't help me. At least a peach or berries or something.

Later I find out that my brother passed me on his way to work. He asked me if that was me running. He didn't realize it until he had passed. I wanted to ask him how I looked running. Did I look as though I am a runner. Or did I look as though I should be stopped and helped to a cot. Knowing my brother, I am guessing if I looked distressed, he would have stopped to offer assistance. So I must look like a runner.

At least I like to think I do.

Training - Week One

Last night was our Team in Training kick-off party. We were able to get all of the information we might need to help us in our fundraising efforts as well as in our training.

First order of business - run.

Looking at the schedule, I realized that I ran 3 miles on Monday instead of the 2 miles noted. I felt pretty good knowing that I did more than expected. I did not, however, run the 2.5 noted for Tuesday. That will have to do. I ran an extra mile on Monday and certainly worked out on Tuesday so I am not slacking.....

Today I thought I would beat the weather and run my 2 miles in the morning. It has looked like rain all day so I thought I better run while I can stay dry. Not that it ever matters. I sweat as if it's my job, so rain might actually feel good.

At any rate, since I had run 3 miles on Monday and wasn't sure I could (I had just returned from Africa with my students and hadn't done anything athletic in about a month so I thought I might be hurting - and I did hurt a bit), I thought I could polish off 2 miles in no time and with no effort.

God, I am a dumbass.

I was able to run the 2 miles without killing myself, but I was tired and sweating. I did feel good afterward, but getting to afterward took some effort. I am already planning ahead for my runs - when will I run, how will I squeeze the run into my day (I want to run in the morning before it gets too blinking hot), what will I do when I can't run on Saturday with the group?

I am also starting to worry about the fundraising. We are in a recession and I have decided to hit up my family and friends to support my training efforts. They already think I am God-damned insane. This pretty much eliminates all doubt.

Until tomorrow.....

A New Start

This blog has never really gotten off the ground. I think when I started this blog, I was training for something. Then I think I was using it to document my weight loss (which has been awesome). Or did I start it to document my weight loss and was then going to use it to document some training for something?

Who the hell knows.

At any rate, now I plan to use it to document my marathon training for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program. I did the century ride in 2004. The experience was so wonderful, I thought I would do it again.

There are other reasons I have decided to abuse my body by training for a 26.2 mile bruiser. Here they are:

• I am turning 40 on August 9. I am excited because it is a milestone birthday and because birthdays always include cake and booze. In order for me to eat a lot of cake and drink a lot of booze without gaining a lot of weight, I better be running for something!
• I am turning 40 on August 9. Yes, I've already said that, but this bullet is different. I can't turn 40 and just have cake and booze. I have to do something more than that. I have to challenge myself. Most people think 40 is an age in which your body fails you and you give up and resign yourself to aging gracefully. I fully intend to age gracefully, but I also intend to challenge myself physically and mentally. What better way than to run a marathon?
• It is on my lifetime list. Many call this their bucket list. I prefer lifetime list. Who knows why. I cycled 100 miles in 2004. Why not try for running 26.2 miles in 2009? Next year I plan to try the triathlon. Why couldn't my goals include getting up in the morning and sitting on my ass all day long? Because that would make me dreadfully dull. And I have a rule to never be dreadfully dull. I can be a bitch, but never dull.
• I have already lost 42 pounds of the 50 I wanted to lose. If I can't lose the remainder of the weight while training for a marathon, I'm not meant to lose it!
• The money I raise will help to eradicate blood cancers. I lost my father to cancer. Granted, it wasn't leukemia or lymphoma, but does that matter? Perhaps because of the money I am able to raise and the awareness I am able to garner, one person doesn't die of a blood cancer. One person is able to live. Imagine.
• I have never struggled with cancer, but have seen others struggle. I would love it if no one had to struggle with cancer again. I would love it if in the future I have to run a marathon for myself because no one needs me to raise money for a wonderful cause.
• My fight to run a marathon is nothing compared to the battle cancer patients fight. I think I am abusing my body, and I am, but cancer patients face abuse each day. My pain will be worth it to help alleviate the pain of at least one patient.
• My honored patient has a masters degree in Chemistry. That immediately makes him uber cool!

Please check this blog as I plan to update it as often as possible. It will document my fundraising and my training. For more information on how you may help, please visit my website.